Shit guys, I'm posting. Right now I am sick and very bored...so I decided I should post.

I've been thinking a lot about people and they're actions. Most of them I don't understand. I completely understand that people have their own morals and beliefs, and I respect that. I can usually put myself in other peoples' shoes, but lately I haven't. I don't get why people act the way they do. Is it for attention? Is it self-esteem issues? What is it? Lots of this has to do with sex. My view on sex is not casual. I dont understand why people have casual sex. To me, sex is and intimate action. Something you do with the person you love, something to celebrate those feelings if you will. To others sex is just something you do. Bing, bang, boom..your done. I can't understand how someone can be intamate with another person and have no real feelings for them at all. Not only do they not have feelings for that particular person, but they don't take other peoples' feelings into consideration. For example, someone who is involved with one of your friends. This brings me to cheating. DON'T DO IT! Cheating is one of the worst things you can do, nothing good comes out of it. (Well maybe something for a little while...but thats besides the point....just DONT cheat) Like I said I have respect for peoples' opinions, I quess I just dont understand them.
This post isn't directed at anyone, even though it may seem like it is, its not. These are just some thoughts of mine.

What's wrong with me? I don't know. Lately I feel like I've been sneeking back into my corner, away from people, away from my problems. I love my friends but I just feel like I don't want to be around people. All I want to do is curl up in a little ball and not be seen or heard. I don't care if thats what happens. At least I'll have no more realtionships to ruin. Part of this is because I recently found out why I lost one of my best friends. If I could turn back time and change the way I acted, I would. However, the reality is that I can't. I'm sorry. Part of me feels that this is going to happen with all my realationships, so I might as well stop everything while I still can. I don't want to be the cause of problems, I don't want to be the cause of happiness. I don't want to be anything. I'll tell you what I do want. I want ot be with that person that does make me happy. I want to find myself again. I want to go away and see the world. I want to study art and history. I want to help people. I want to experiance life. Come to think of it I guess I'm experiancing life now eh?? Anyways, forgive my use of the english language, this was a quick post.

Stuff is good.

Christmas was neat. Got kinda spoiled, felt bad. Kinda want to give everything to charity.

People are awesome. Some are dumb.

My parents like me again....yay.

Losing some friends.

Making some new friends.

Reuniting with people.

Being more... me.

Having way to much fun.

Having some sad times, meh it happens....but I'm mostly happy.

Made time for myself.

Made time for you :)

I hope this doesn't end.

These have been random thoughts... I hope you have enjoyed.

I live for the days when I can see you.
Kiss you,
Hug you.
When nothing exists but you and me.
Where I can hold you in my arms,
and finally feel safe.
I look into those captivating eyes
and speak those three little words
that say so much.
"I love you".
I've never spoke those words
until I met you.
Nothing makes me happier then when I hear
"I love you" back.
You are the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know what I did
To deserve this
Or what I would do
without you.
You save me from the demons,
that still haunt me.
You save me from myself.
No matter what happens
Good or bad,
Happy or sad,
I will always be there for you.
Don't let the days I live for
slip away.

You can call her a copycat, too bad you don't know the entire story.
Her entire life consisted making people happy. What made her parents happy? Knowing that their daughter would be a success. They wanted good grades, she gave them good grades. All her life she lived up to their expectations. Although she exceeded them, she was never happy. The pressure of becoming something great was too difficult. She lashed out in way she shouldn't have, but she did. The continuous thoughts of letting her parents down would never stop. Yes, if she wanted to she could become a doctor, a lawyer, a psycologist, a nurse, a dentist; but would she be happy? ...No.
A year passes and she finally finds the courage to confront everyone with her dream. A dream that people find degrading, but a dream that inspires her. She can go places with her dream, places where she can be herself and not live up to the expectations of others. Her father, suprisingly thrilled. Although her mother is shocked, she understands her completely and lends her support. For years she was ashamed of her dream. She knew she could be something more, something more professional, but that is not what she wants. She wants to be happy with her life. This is will make that happen.
Now you know the story, go ahead and call her a copycat.

I'm scared

I'm happy

I'm sad

I'm angry

I miss you

I love you

I lost a friend

I gained lots more

I hate people

I'm annoyed with everything

I'm alone

I feel as if your love is slipping away

I found what I want to do with my life

I can't wait for the rest of my life.

I feel apathy taking over

I hate you.

This has been an update. If you care, you know what its about. If you don't know what its about then I don't care.
I say the word "I" way too much. I'm pretty much a horrible person.

You look at me; my eyes focus on the floor
You talk to me; all I hear is the music in my head
You kick me, you push me; I sit down
You scrowl, you cry; I smile inside
You pressure me, you accuse me; I let it slide
You claw at me with your critisims; I can claw right back
Your words, your glares, your kicks, your accustions; they can't hurt me anymore; I've become numb
You just walked away; I didn't look back.