I do not know if this is a good thing. I dont know why I did this, I got a little bored :P

You Are A Rowan Tree

You are full of charm and cheer. You light up a room. And while you crave attention, you do it without ego. You are an interesting mix of contradictions - and very unpredictable. You are both dependent and independent, calm and restless. You are passionate, emotional, gregarious, and (at times) unforgiving.

What is Your Celtic Horoscope?

There is always hope.

I took Alana's advice and TRIED to write something to correspond with one of my pictures. Since I'm scared to display my poetry, I decided to just write. You can laugh if you want, its not great.

Life is filled with ups and downs, especially teenage life. We are trying to find ourselves; who we are and who we could someday be. More importantly, events happen which can change who we are, as well as our entire outlook on life. Unfortunately, for me this was not a good outlook. Like most people, I was going through a tough time. I kept telling myself, "Shut-up Jenn, there are people out there who are a million times worse". Yes, that was true but I so busy being concerned with other people lives that I did not pay attention to mine. It seemed that all of a sudden I had hit rock bottom. I was losing my friends and most importantly my family. I tried so hard to be optimistic, but it did not work. I was slipping farther and farther away from everything and everyone that I had ever known. I was scared. I had no one to talk too. Everyone seemed so busy, Why would they care about me? I suffered extreme emotional pain in which nobody knew about because I hid behind a mask of happiness. I started wondering if anyone would even care if I died that very moment. Then I felt as if I had to be absolutely perfect in order to be accepted. This lead to something that I am not proud of, but I am glad I caught myself before I fell completely into an eating disorder. I felt like I could control my own world, when in reality I could not.

Then you came along. I truly believe that you and others have saved me. I do not even want to think where or how I would be now if you had not unexpectedly shown up in my life. Thank you.

In light there is darkness, in darkness there is light. When you feel as if you are in inescapable darkness, just remember there is always a never ending flame of light. (There is always hope).

Four more weeks until graduation and I have never been so excited/scared. Five years of high school has gone by so fast. So much has happened during those years, some good some bad. I had entered high school lost and scared, and I am exiting found and...scared. Anways, I have lost or grown apart from people who I have known my entire life. I regret losing some of them, but with others, I feel better off without them. I talked to an old friend the other day, and I have to admit I kind of miss her. We were best friends in elementry school. Yes, she can have an attitude but who doesn't ? I have and will always count on her to slap me in the face with reality. She is not one of those people who tells you what you want to hear, she tells you the truth; good or bad. In a way, I thank her for this. Then there are those people who I have lost all contact with, and trust me I am very happy to have done so.
Then, there are those people who unexpectingly show up in your life and make everything all better. You know who you are, and thank you for making this the best year of my life. Even though most of you do not go to the same school as me, grade 12 has been a blast. If it wasn't for you I would probably....I don't want to go there. I don't want to lose you after graduation. That's the one thing I am truely scared about. I couldn't live without you.

I am selfish
I am wrong
I care
I am to blame
I want to make you happy
I cause you pain
I am not a good friend
I am lost
I am a failure.

Why am I thinking like this?
It is how I see myself
How can someone love me
When, at times, I hate myself
You are too great
I love you
Sometimes I sit and think;
I don't deserve you.

I can't wait until school is over. We have only a few months left and I am quite happy. Don't get me wrong I am going to miss it and I am damned scared about life after high school, but in a way I can't wait to be done. I am sick and tired of highschool life. I am sick of all the drama, the cliques, the gossip, the backstabbing, "popularity", the labels, the work, being looked down upon; bacially the whole ordeal of school. I want to get out into the real world and not deal with bitchy, materialistic people. The drama in teenage life is something I really want to get away from. Everyday I hear, " I can't beleive Sally slept with Joe!! What a bitch!! I'm going to spread horrible rumors and get everyone to hate her!!". Ok well not EXACTLY like that but you know what I mean. But seriously, can we grow up please. We are 18 (or soon to be 18), can we please fuckin deal with our own problems and not get 10000000 people involved. Or people that make you feel absolutly horrible about yourself or your actions and you ahve no idea why. Its absolutly ridiculous. Everyone knows the saying "put yourself in their shoes". Well it is a good thing to do, unless you do it all the time. Recently I did that and I broke, probably had the worst week ever. But then I started thinking, 'has that person ever put themselves in my shoes?'. So then I jsut gave up and decided to not think about it anymore (even though I do, oh well). It can be good to be selfish, not all the time, but sometimes. I also hate it when people dwell on or bring up the past and slap you in the face with it. "Remeber two years ago you...". I just want to say "yeah I do, fucking get over it". People carry shit on their shoulders for two long and it ends up messing them up. Sorry you had to read this. It was kinda all over the place, I know. I am usually a pretty happy person but I guess today I'm in a people bashing mood. Oh well..

Helpless, Useless

What have I done. All I want to do is make you happy. I never meant to be a burden, I never meant to cause drama, I never meant to cause unhappiness. I want to take away any pain that you feel. I am happiest when I am with you, I hope you feel the same. I didnt want to jeopardize what we have, I cant help but feel that I did. I want to help you but I feel helpless, useless. If I had one wish, it would be to turn back time and not cause you this pain. If I wasn't in the picture, no pain would be felt.
Please confide in me.

I would of witten more before but I wasn't up to it, but weirdly enough I am now.
I guess all I want to say is that I am sorry. Lately my actions have hurt people and I hate myself for it. I think I am trying to help people, but really the only person I'm trying to help is me. I didn't think of other people, I did not take their feelings into consideration. I am selfish. I'm sorry. I would never ever intentially hurt my friends and I hope you all know that. I love you; I understand if you hate me. If anyone has a problem with me, please tell it to my face. My mom told me a while ago that I screw everything up. I'm starting to beleive that she is right.

I shouldn't be allowed to socialize with people. My mom was right, I'm just a screwup. I understand if you never want to hear from me or see me again.

This weekend was so much fun. I had barely any sleep but it was worth it. Prom was on Saturday and it was a blast. It was not 100% incredible, but pretty close. After prom we went to Laura's and I felt so bad because I took a nap *blushes*. But at 6ish we went to Wills for breakfast which was awesome. After I came home, slept for a couple hours, packed up and went to Gabriola with the crew. It was fun, it was funny because we drank...alot. Again, Gabriola was not 100% incredible but it was fun all the same.

I do not know what is wrong with me, but sometimes I feel like things are too good to be true. I always have these thoughts in my head about what I think is going to happen or what could happen. I get so worked up over it (even though I really really don't want to) and I get moody. I hate it. I know nothing terrible is going to happen, but I think it is anyways. Maybe I am just use to everything going wrong. I am scared that whenever something/someone incredible comes along, me or something else is going to fuck everything right up. Again, I know nothing bad is going to happen, but there is always these thoughts. Maybe I'm just crazy and really do have to stop thinking :P. It would be neat if you could turn off you thoughts for a bit. It would make things easier. Anways...I really don't like thinking like that but I do anyways. I just wish I could stop. But I'll end this for your sake, I know you do not want to hear about my petty thoughts.